Help! The kids are driving me crazy and Mike is like an animal out in the muck. It’s been disastrous so far. It all started with the airport where we checked our luggage in and went to get food. When waiting in line for the café, an old lady spilt her coffee all over my Gucci handbag. My bag was destroyed so I hopped across to the chain-store. Imagine, all of the bags were like plastic with no labels. I mean, come on there wasn’t even a Louis Vuitton shop. So I bought the best-looking one and made my way back to the café. Mike then decided to inform me that Anna felt sick. There was no sign of him helping out so I brought her to the toilet myself. Thank goodness she was fine in the end and we boarded the plane. The plane smelt disgusting, like as though someone threw up all over it. The plane over was only about an hour long so we just about managed.
Afterwards, we went to look for the Limo we had booked back over in London. A man wearing a cow-muck green jacket and trousers that looked like old pyjamas got out of an old farmers jeep and informed us that we looked like the people he had met online. Yes, we had met a man online but he looked nothing like this. So we reluctantly got into this man’s “limo” and drove to a remote part of the country where all you could see was fields.
When we finally arrived at the old farmhouse, the smell was atrocious, so bad that I almost got sick. The driver showed us around the house. My Lord would I love to be back home. The colours are cheap, it’s freezing cold, there isn’t even any underfloor heating. It looks dingy and it’s filthy. The grass outside is so mucky that Eliot fell over and of course, Mike is no use. In fact, he’s really enjoying himself. I think there might be something wrong with him. He keeps saying the air smells delicious. The kids are crying, I want to cry and my husband is sitting out in the mud playing mud baths. I mean, I love him and everything but how did end up marrying this looper. All they seem to eat here is potatoes, potatoes and more potatoes. Somebody is really out to get us.
Last week I brought the kids to the shopping centre. Eliot couldn’t find anything to buy so I ended up buying him a Butler’s hot chocolate. Anna couldn’t find anything either so I had to buy her a few Pandora bracelets. I bought myself a few Chanel perfumes in Brown Thomas When | arrived home Mike was mucking out horse stables. Life has been pretty much as bad as that since we got here. I hope all is well at home. I can’t wait to see you all,