From Russia with Love

St. Colmcille's N.S., Gainstown, Mullingar, Co. Westmeath

My dearest Lucy,

St. Petersburg was so beautiful, however, it was nothing compared to you … you saucy goddess. There are houses and churches that have been here for centuries, not a patch on you babe.  Little children in those Russian furry hats that you always associate with Russia, but you must be here yourself to drink it all in. When you come here (can’t wait) you must try the borscht. It tastes so good. My flight here was perfect, as usual, Irelands only 4 star airline staff are always so friendly and helpful. Yesterday we began our journey from St. Petersburg to Moscow. Instead of going by the new train tracks, Anna & Ivan said we should see the real Russia and go through the snow-covered forests.  I miss my Ferrari, so smooth, so sleek. You’ve  heard so much about Ivan and Anna, my Uncle and Aunt, that you almost know them yourself.  The train is beautiful. I’m going to invest.  It’s like something you’d read about in your precious Kindle (which may soon be upgraded to … I don’t know, maybe to a Chromebook). I can’t wait till you come and meet me via Aer Lingus. Only the best for you babes. I passionately await your arrival to my newly refurbished winter palace (got Bannon on the job – check the player).

Your loving lover, Count Sergei Petya Von Gutenberg VII

P.S. Even though I’m freezing my gluteus maximus off, my hotness is eternal, nothing has changed, I promise !!!